


almost is never enough

by justK



Series: kunten nation [8]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Qian Kun, Canon Compliant, M/M, Not Betaed, This is weird, Top Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, ambiguous - Freeform, but it's cute, especially bottom Kun lovers, i guess, more for kunten nation, ngl, with hints of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:15:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28495200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justK/pseuds/justK
Summary: it is too much, yet not enough.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Series: kunten nation [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996807
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	almost is never enough

**Author's Note:**

> not a native english speaker, i apologise for any mistake i may have.

like walking on the finest of sands at dusk, when the tide was high and the sky was dark over an even darker sea, when you have no idea what sort of things could come from inside it, not that you ever could, but it was always a relief to have some light upon his head, to illuminate shallowly his path, even if he was to blunder, anyway. the stars provided that comfort sensation so late at night, when he could feel the thrill of knowing he could step in the wrong direction and end up drowning, or caught by one of those magnificent creatures no one knew if they truly existed, but that they liked to imagine either way. that was the spur, though, the eagerness he could feel rising in his chest at times like these, knowing that he could end up completely wrecked, and he would deem it an honour, anyhow.

that’s how it was walking into Kun’s room past midnight, Ten never really knew what was awaiting for him inside, Kun could be holding up a knife, for all he cared, and Ten wouldn’t put up a fight, happily dying at his feet.

it was always different, because they almost never were in the same place, whenever Ten would slip away to go to Kun, yet, it somehow was always the same, like they could be in an entirely different city, in a rented flat or house, in a cold hotel, but Ten could predict how it would be like. he could foresee the thick walls and the number of steps it would take him to be in front of the door that would make his fingertips tingle and his palms sweat. he has sketches, rough traces in carbon and craft paper in the back of his closet, some others in digital form, on a simple white background and thin, careless lines of secret escapades, like chronicles of forbidden stories, stories he could never tell. 

it should have been simple, he knew, had he spoke out his mind since the beginning. only he never did. _but it was fair!_ , he would tell you, because he thought he wouldn’t be allowed. so, he just went ahead with his hazardous actions, because Ten was nothing if not reckless, and that was often the end of him.

he had fallen into routine, still, the shiver of his body was different every time, because Kun could be lying down, legs spread wide; or he could, very well, be on all fours, on trembling legs and extended arms that had long given up and now gripped onto the bedsheets with all his being; or, he also could be all over him, with both legs on either side of Ten’s, digging his nails on Ten’s shoulders and shakily raising himself up and down, planting his knees on the cheap fabric of the sofa, bouncing on Ten’s cock eagerly, and _god_ , it could be something they did on the regular, Ten would often get deja vús of what was to come, but it was so fulfilling and always so, so good, it was never the same. _no_.

the first time they had done it, it was in a drunken rush, Kun was always so pulled together, he was sure this small slip of his would mean nothing in the morrow, and so Ten would have never paid attention to it, he would only have picked up his clothes and left the room, had Kun not been lying in all his naked glory between the fluffy blankets, milky skin all on display, angelic face peacefully sleeping, every deep breath like an arrow straight to Ten’s heart. he was doomed, from the very beginning.

so, he kept coming back, and Kun never really said no.

but it was wrong. wrong on so many levels. because he was sure he wasn’t meant to be fucking Kun like this. Kun, _his leader_ , the highest rank in their small clan, but Kun, even being the king that he was, allowed Ten to be upon him, so in control of his body, making him come undone with a twist of his hand, and Ten found it as intoxicating as it was terrifying, because there was no way it could be real, _right?_ there was no way Kun would give him full control like _this,_ no way this was permitted.

he decided to carry on with this in the most mundane level possible. other members did the same, didn’t they?

but fucking Kun was not earthly at all. 

“you’re early,” Kun had said that one night, combing his wet hair with lazy fingers. 

_it was true_. Ten anticipated Kun so much, it often became impossible to stay away, no matter how hard he tried to distract himself with other people.

“i missed you,” he replied, which was wrong, so, so wrong. but Kun didn’t bother pointing that out, instead, he just _smiled_.

“come, then,” _sinful_. that’s the only way i can describe the way he carries himself, with such finesse, like he was doing nothing wrong, or like he, actually, was, and very in control of what would happen. it scared Ten.

it would start off slow, but never boring, because it was Kun and that fact alone was overwhelming enough. with their tongues tangling and bitten lips, they would stumble backwards, in a place they were not familiar with, but that they still managed to make cozy, with Ten pushing Kun down on the mattress and Kun dragging him along, drowning him in. of all the possible deaths Ten could live, he would tell you this was the worst, suffocated by the person he deified the most in the world, and just because of that he would choose this as his imminent death, because it was all, too cruel and too beautiful at the same time.

Ten liked to bite and lick every part of Kun’s delectable skin, blossoming pretty violets all over his pale chest and thighs, and neck and belly, making him a work of art, resembling his strokes on paper on his free days, locked inside his room, with an opened window and gentle rays of sun bathing him as he reminisced Kun panting underneath him, looking ethereal and taking all of him, those would be his most sacred arts, signed by himself and put into the portfolio of taboo feelings never to be seen again.

“ _Ten,_ ” _snap!_ out of his trance.

“hmm?” he knew what Kun was about to say, but it was just so incredibly pretty to hear him beg for it, the roll of his leader’s eyes never stopped him from sticking his tongue out before flattening it against Kun’s shaft. “tell me, angel.”

he could feel Kun fighting against himself not to pull Ten’s hair as painfully as he undoubtedly wanted to.

“ngh,” he protested. “touch me, please.”

“i don’t know,” Ten replied, pulling back and breathing a cool gust of air over his painfully erected dick, Kun actually whined at that. “i don’t think i feel as generous tonight.”

 _lie_. Ten was never about being generous, that was Kun, he was always hearty enough to let Ten take as much as he wanted. Ten’s role was, on the other hand, all about starving and being willing to kill to get what he wanted, like a riled up animal.

“oh my god,” Kun moaned, head thrashing from side to side and his legs shaking prettily in desperation. “don’t do this to me, touch me, please!”

“i can never get away with anything, can i?” Ten asked, slowly rubbing soothing circles over Kun’s leg while he reached for the lube. “you always get what you want.”

“is that so?” the question was meant to make Ten hesitate, and he would have done it had he understood. “i had always thought it was the other way around.”

Ten laughed at that. as he rubbed his lube-coated fingers to warm the liquid, he spoke.

“i do,” he said and he slowly entered one finger into Kun’s tight hole. “only sometimes.”

“ _ah,_ ” Kun gasped. “when have you not?”

Ten didn’t answer, focusing instead his attention in fingering Kun open, stealing breathy moans and throaty whimpers every time he intentionally brushed against his sweet bundle of nerves.

_when had he not?_

the moment he had set eyes on Kun.

_“will you be mine?”_

he remembers he asked once.

he shook his head as Kun’s legs tightened around his shoulders, he had to pull back, sliding his fingers out of Kun, Kun moaned at the loss. Ten lifted his head, looking at Kun’s panting form and messy hair, rosy cheeks and swollen lips, had Ten had a tail, it would have swished elegantly at the sight of his prey. 

_“don't hurt me.”_

Ten’s head stung painfully, he had to hold onto Kun’s waist tightly in distress. he hurried to coat his length in strawberry flavoured lube, to land on Kun’s grabby hands, holding his weight on his elbows, careful not to crush him.

“fuuuck,” would be Kun’s breathy exclamation. 

“you like that?” Ten questioned, refusing to move until Kun said so.

“yes, yes, _yes_ ,” and he clenched down on Ten’s dick tight enough to send instinctual signals up Ten’s head to thrust into him. “i love it.”

“what would people say, huh?” he licked long strips on his neck. “if they only knew how much our beloved leader loves being fucked dumb?”

Kun would mewl every time Ten spoke like that to him, letting his legs fall even more open and twisting his head enough for Ten to bury his face there, to leave him all marked if he so wished.

it wasn’t supposed to feel this _sacred_ , when they were like this, joined together, moaning each other’s name, but it somehow was. _art_ , Ten would call it, even if this was far less than the love he desired to make to Kun. because this was mundane, Kun had never given his permission for something more, _had he?_

perhaps there was an intimacy which did not need words.

and that was okay, Ten was okay with that. sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love, for Kun had never given him that.

_“don’t hurt me.”_

it had been in that drunken rendezvous, he now remembers, when Kun had been fucked good by him in that leather couch of their rented house when they were filming… something. don’t ask him to remember, for he won’t.

_“will you be mine?”_

he had asked.

_“don’t hurt me.”_

Kun had answered.

he doesn’t think Kun remembers, if it has taken himself this long to recall that one time, the first of many.

he doesn’t think Kun remembers, so it is not valid anymore — _was it ever?_

“they don’t need to know,” Kun answered, his body looked delicious covered in that thin layer of sweat. Ten wanted him to be his. “it’s only for us to know.”

“so, am i the only one that gets to see you like this?” he angled one particular thrust just right, sending Kun’s body up the mattress a little bit more each time.

Kun moaned.

“perhaps.”

 _right_. because there was no way Kun would ever let Ten have him, not when Kun had asked only one thing of him, _the ever gentle leader_ , it hadn’t even been a request, it had been a plea, easy to comply with.

_“and i’ll be yours.”_

had Ten not been obstinate, he would have had a chance. the worst mistake is guessing instead of asking. he could almost hear his mother say. 

had Ten told Kun he wanted him, while fully sober, not in some drunk recklessness, he might have stood a chance, it would still have been difficult as hell, but possible nonetheless.

Ten gripped Kun harder as he thrusted into him, angry, longing, sad.

“just know,” he said, “whoever you’re with will never make you feel this good.”

“ah, ah, ah,” no words, because being ravished like this by Ten was everything Kun lived for. Ten would gladly give him that and more, if only he had Kun the way he wanted to. not that he could blame his leader and unspoken lover for it, it had been his fault, after all, by trying to distract himself with other people in a pitiful attempt to not fall for Kun even more.

_“will you be mine?”_

_“don’t hurt me. and i’ll be yours.”_

Kun came untouched on his cock triggering his own climax, the hardest he ever had. 

he held onto him, refusing to let go, burying his face in the crook of his neck and shoulder, like some lost puppy seeking forgiveness, silently apologising because he had failed to do the one thing Kun had asked of him.

and so he kissed him until it was time for him to go back to his own room, building imaginations, picturing them both tangled like right now, loving each other under the moonlight, fooling himself into the feeling. it is not in any way what he wants, but he, at least, can have Kun like _this_ , against him, glowing, indulging, overwhelming...

_it is too much, yet not enough._

**Author's Note:**

> i guess i'll say this is a late birthday ffic for Kun, but in my defense, it is still january 1st where i am, soooo it's totally valid guys  
> also, this is my [tumblr](https://tenactwayv.tumblr.com), in case you ever want to contact me, i am also working on a social media au with the wayv boiss :D and i'll be uploading it there  
> that's it for the commercial, i hope you enjoy and please leave comments and kudos <3


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